March 31, 2011

My help comes from the Lord....

  God has indeed showed himself faithful once again to our family and I feel in awe of His kindness and grace.  The past few weeks have been among some of the most trying of our life.  Halie's last round of Immunotherapy was difficult beyond words as she began to have Neurological side effects.  She slept for over 23 hours straight at one point the Dr.'s were concerned she'd had a stroke.  No idea at the time if the effects were permanent.  She was unsteady in her walking and was involuntarily jerking (seizure like activity) and having problems with her eyes before during and after the treatment was being administered.  I won't go into all of the details suffice it to say Jason and I had alot of praying to do to know if we would continue the trial or not.  Neurological side effects are all in the rare but serious category and after meeting with Neurology and our Oncology team it became apparent to us that the risk were out weighing the benefits.  But we had time to make a decision.  During the week that followed we had Halie's Disease Evaluation scans.  Three days of Bone Marrow Aspirations, CT scans of the neck, chest and abdomen and MIBG to show if there is any "Evidence of Disease."  Friday took along time to get here as we waited for the results.  Dr. Louis called late in the afternoon with the amazing news NO EVIDENCE OF DISEASE!!!!!  Praise God!  It struck me later that day that we are 6 months with clean scans.  What a blessing and testimony of God's power,  love and mercy for our family.  He is faithful, regardless of the results, we have learned to trust Him in the hard times as well as the times of rejoicing.  He is good.  The conversation quickly turned back to the Trial.  Do we continue?  Do we stop.  The answer seemed so clear honestly that we were done but there are doubts and fears.  For Dads and Moms there is no easy answer.  If we stop, has she received the benefit from the antibody or are we putting her at risk for relapse?   If we continue, do we risk putting her in a coma or causing swelling of the brain.  I confess I have wrestled with this question but God pulls me back with Jason's stalwart character. Again God has proved Himself faithful.  As my Mother-in-Law keeps reminding me God is near to the brokenhearted.  He came near.  What was my trust in?  God or the Immunotherapy?  He lead us down this path and if we are trusting Him then we are blessed to see when He says stop.  Her life is in His scarred hands and there is no safer place for her to be.  His love for this child surpasses mine as hard as that is sometimes for me to fathom.  He is our Father.  Yesterday as I prayed for my family the Lord showed me how He has grown my trust in Him and that as my Father He would withhold no good thing from His children when they are truly seeking Him.  And, He gave me rest in Him (Well... as much as my human mind can rest.)  Sometimes it is a battle to give it all to Him...I try to take it back then give it to Him again....   I am thankful even though I am sinful and flawed,  He is faithful and true.  He provided the answer.  Halie's Doctor called late in the afternoon and after much deliberation and seeking answers...we have an answer.  As  I write this blog entry I am waiting to take my sweet girl to TCH to have Halie's central line taken out.  We are done with Immunotherapy.  We will continue to place our trust in Him.  The Lord gave us an answer that only He could have in a way that we saw Him and we have a peace with trusting Him.  This is His answer.  We will continue with Acutane for three more cycles but we are done with Hospital treatments hopefully forever.  We will scan again at the end of Maintenance and that will probably be our hardest set of scans as we will be the longest time without "active treatment" so please continue to pray for Halie.  For now we rejoice that God has heard our cries.  He is more precious to our hearts than ever before and I beg of you if you do not know Him cry out to Him for a saving relationship.  He is our refuge, our strength our protector, our Father, our Savior, our God.  (Psalm 31: 14-16)  "But, I trust in you, O Lord,  I say, "YOU are my God",   My times are in your hand.  Thank You Jesus!!!!!!!

7 comments:

Sylvia said...

Dear Jennifer, What a beautiful and precious testimony. We thank God for his blessings on this child, as well as you and Jason. Of course we continue to pray as He says, without ceasing.
As always, Love in Christ, Who loved us first!
Sylvia

Roberta said...

Praise God for all He has done and does do for us. Your blog is graet to read to lift me up. I cry and laugh and praise our God for this sweet family and how you have grown from this situation. I saw you and Jason growing before this, but now even more so. Thank you for sharing. I will continue to pray for Halie and you all.Ms Berta loves you all!!

Hans' Mom said...

Sounds like the right thing to do!!!

xoxo, Lara and family

Shooter said...

Praise the Lord! oh Jenn, my heart overflows with praise and thanksgiving and pain for you and Halie and the whole family! How I have prayed for God to show you a clear answer and He has! Yeah, yeah, yeah!!!! We will continue to pray hard for Halie.

Darren and Jacky Lewis said...

Good News, Jenn! Continuing to pray for sweet Halie! I love reading what you write, and even though I know it is hard for you sometimes, you don't know what an encouragement you are to people! Love you all!

The Stire family said...

Oh Jenn, I am so very thankful to hear this tremendous news! I was grateful to get Jason's e-mail update as well. The girls were praising God for answering our prayers and they laughed at Halie's response that "God did it!" in healing her. She is a testimony of His greatness and is reflecting the faith of her parents in the sovereignty and goodness of God. I am sure that as she becomes a woman this real life lesson, in the trenches so to speak, will have great effect on how she lives and walks with God. You guys have made a mighty impact in the lives of each of your children by walking out your faith. I am so very proud of you. Yes, I have seen that growth that you spoke of in this post. You are holding your children with open hands for His scarred hands (love that) to care for them. What better place could they be? I love you!

Suz and Brandon said...

I have been thinking about you guys and your family. I hope everything is going ok. We are still praying!

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